Well, I think I told you guys that I started a new form of therapy right? It’s with help from a recovered anorexic/bulimic, and she is lovely. I love this woman loads. Well here it goes!
I am no longer focusing on my eating as much, because the underlying cause is past trauma, etc. So…I have to try and get better there and hopefully everything else will follow! This is my day then:
When I wake up, the first thing I do is tell myself (in my head) things I am grateful for, even if it’s simple things like ‘I am grateful for having my own clothes I can dress in’. Doing it right when I wake-up means my mind is in delta mode, meaning that it’s not active like during the day when I am working and stuff (that’s called alpha mode). It sets me up for a good day.
Then I have my breakfast and carry on with the day! My scales… Ah the good old scales. I know it’s hard deciding your target weight, because MY target weight is unhealthy, whereas my real target weight is important.. However, with some help and encouragement, being told I can exercise, I have decided upon 52kg, as muscle will weigh more than fat. I know I am no where near that, but I have written ‘52.0kg’ on a sticker and put it over the screen on the scales. Now I can step on it however many times a day I want to, and I can only see my target weight. This means I won’t get triggered into restricting or binging(thus purging!). It takes restraint, but it is such a good technique.
Sometime during the day, when I have at least 20-30 minutes, I do my relaxation. This involves affirmations you have to work towards. They have to be very precise, so you can’t have: ‘I won’t count calories’ or ‘I will not binge’, because your brain WILL pick out ‘calories’ and ‘binge’, without even thinking about the rest of the sentence. So… to give you and idea, here are the three affirmations I am working with at the moment: ‘I can let go of the person I am, to become the person I want to be’, ‘I now chose to use my power, and have love and harmony in all aspects pf my life. I am happy and ecstatic’ and finally ‘I trust in the power and the universe. I believe in miracles, miracles happen to me’. I wrote them on card and decorated them, and put them on the wall in my room.
Those are my affirmations, and they do work, but you have to be in delta mode, as it has to go into your SUB-CONSCIOUS mind. If everything starts going into your sub-conscious, then it will work towards your conscious mind, and be easy! IT WILL BE PART OF YOU! So, what I do is I sit on my bean bag in my room, with the blinds 3/4 of the way drawn, I light my favourite candle and play some relaxation music (got a CD off Amazon.com). I do deep breathing and just relax, relax until I am totally calm and relaxed, and then read the affirmations I put on my wall in my head, but you get to know them so well, you no longer have to read them! It becomes easy, and slowly (BUT SURELY) it starts to change things. You start to believe it. A new you starts to be born! Whilst doing your affirmations, either picture of feel (depending on what you are better at), an image of yourself of what it would be like to be happy and recovered, or the feeling you think you would feel. OR BOTH OF COURSE! Hold on to that image/feeling, and trust me when I say it feels amazing. Don’t worry if you don’t last 20 minutes doing this, but work towards it, soon it will become your time, and the feelings you will experience will be fantastic.
As I said, I am allowed to exercise a little now, and that is great! Low intensity exercise is very good for you. It releases endorphin’s, and that will help you towards recovery. The only struggle with that, is that it can be triggering and you have to be careful, and I know it’s hard.
To end the day right, I put bio-oil on my scars, and go to bed and read an affirmation/positivity book that my mum and the friend got me. And finally, right before you fall asleep (delta mode), just let positive words run through your mind: ‘joy, happiness, faith, bravery, love, peace, world peace, trust, strong, etc’.
Please believe me when I say this has made such a big difference already. I started this the day I got out of hospital from my overdose, and even then it helped. Don’t get me wrong, it takes time. It’s not a miracle or magic cure, but it does help! You do have to keep it up, but it’s worth it.
If any of you have any questions about this, send me an ask? I promise it really does help! I love you all.